Dark Entries: Review of ‘Chilling Tales from the Porcelain Seat’

I always imagined that plumbers everywhere are pointing their fingers and laughing at us. Sure, they bear the brunt of many bad-humor jokes, but when their pockets are fat–look who’s laughing now!

Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters fame have made plumbing wizard Roto-Rooter synonymous with the paranormal world. The two have partnered to bring you Chilling Tales from the Porcelain Seat, true tales of the strange and unexplainable in the perplexing world of plumbing. And perplexed you will be after reading what some people consider ok to push down their pipes–including beer bottles and a variety of animals (not just fish!).

Chilling Tales is a perfect little vignette bathroom reader (c’mon, we all do it) and a fun novelty book that actually has some helpful factoids and toilet tips in it. The true stories and bizarre accounts that actual Roto-Rooter plumbers share are both hilarious and horrifying. There’s even a whole section dedicated to those wacky DIY fanatics who take on way more than they can handle. Grant and Jason’s advice? If you don’t wanna die, don’t DIY (well, actually I said that) because plumbing is a dirty and sometimes dangerous job! Most hilarious is the How to Poop at Work: A Survival Guide contribution:

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact!

The photos in the book do a nice job of backing up some of the stories–particularly the section about root growth and your pipes. Yes, when nature attacks she’s ugly as hell and these roots pulled from plumbing look eerily similar to monstrous hairballs.

After reading Chilling Tales all my dreams of owning my own home were flushed down the drain, but the book is a fun and easy read–perfect for any Ghost Hunters fanatic, plumber or potty prince/princess.

Image: Newscom